less than three

i know a couple of months ago i said i was at a crossroad, and i guess at this age you come across a lot.

where to go, who to be and who to be with.

and i feel like i’m at another one. like maybe one of those life altering ones. either way, depending on what happens or not, i know that this will affect me greatly. and it’s scary cuz i’m not used to making such big decisions. i’m actually a pretty simple person.

you know animals have it pretty easy. everything is pretty black and white to them. no misunderstandings, no jealousy or any of those other human flaws.

but anyways, yea, i’m at a crossroads and i know that soon i’m gonna have to make my decision pretty soon. i’m just worried that when i do make that transition, i won’t be as smooth as i’d like it to be…

a lot of new opportunities and paths are making themselves present pretty quickly than i had actually anticipated and i do wish that i’d be a lot slower or that i had made more/better preperations in the past to ready myself for this.

being an adult is complicated…so is growing up, but that’s where i’m headed and it’s not like i’m gonna be stopping anywhere anyways…

well, wish me luck :]

recently i’ve just been feeling like a failure.

in my relationship, my life and pretty much eveything in between.

i mean my mom jsut called me now to ask where i was and what i’m doing

m:where you at?

r:auntie cely’s house why?

m:what’re you doing there?

r:i jsut didn’t want to be alone at home

then mom proceeds to putting me down and making me feel like more of a loser for just wanting to come over and have ppl around.

this is why i want to move out already. to get away from all her bullshit. i don’t want to be around to be her punching bag whenever she comes home feeling crappy. i’m already my own punching bag.

iv’e heard her lecture of just how worthy i am and honestly, i wish i could jsut hang up on her whenever shes like that like i can with my boyfriend. i don’t wanna hear it and i’d rather she just stfu.

everytime i do something that just isn’t up to her standards shes goes into this new habit of hers of telling me how lucky i am that shes not like her mom cuz if she were she’d do such and such. like throw away a cold/unsatisfactory meal or some other shit.

i get that she’s gone through a hard life growing up, but whenever she pulls something like that out, i jsut get so damn tired of it. it’s like “here, let me play you a song on the world’s tiniest violin”

we’re not in the philippines. I’M NOT YOU! GET THE FUCK OVER IT!

and sometimes when she gets so mad at me she says that she wants to smack me across the face. i honestly wish she just would.

hi, my name is Rosslyn and i’m a camera whore.

yup, so this entry is kind of hard for me to pick just one since i have a plethera of them in my mind.

and to be honest, i probably won’t remember all of my favorites haha.

one of my favorites though right now is one that i took on my phone two christmases ago with my domo-kun

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.editAlbumPhoto&albumID=669459&imageID=58254030

[[yea… i’m not too sure how to post up a picture of myself on here so if anybody knows how, can you guys help me out?]]

but yea, this is one of my favorite photos of myself :]

sometimes our version of silence is being out in nature all alone. even if there’s wind and grass and little animals here and there.

right now i’m craving that silence.

well, along with some really good thoughtful music. :]

right now i’m listening to the song charlene put on her tumblr “you could be happy”-snow patrol and thinking over some things while reading blogs on here and on xanga.

i know sometimes when i write/blog/talk, i don’t always make sense. one time when i was at camp a couple of years ago, one of the councilers [[grr i hate that i can’t spell >___<]] wrote in my/our camp’s version of little yearbook [[sans pics]] that i seemed like i was in my own world and “that she wanted in:]” and i guess that does make sense.

i guess usually in my mind, i am far away. in a field [[i think i’m getting a bit obsessed with this haha]], at the beach, someplace w a nice skyline, etc. i just want a place to think adn be and listen to good music.

if anyones knows a place like this can you please point me in the right direction??

i feel like i’ve been to the same places here at home back and forth back adn forth like some game of pong. maybe i have itchy feet? but at the same time i’m a bit scared to leave home.

or maybe i just want a place to go to and have that be my get away. i’m kind of envious of the people who can get out on thier roof and chill out there. a little bit of sky just for you…

but i know that if i try that at my hosue i’ll probably fall to my doom or break something at the very least. haha

……

hmm i kind of intended this to kind of be a shorter blog.__. o well